Unspoken

The summer flies buzzed with weary speed in the hot afternoon sun. A wind picked up and piled dust against the windows. These visits had become painful, and certain discomfort started in my stomach even before I sat down. I hardly recognized her anymore; she had weathered harshly over the years. In recent memory she was a handsome woman, but after all of this she had been hollowed out.

She confessed to me what had happened. Embarrassed that she could not let go of this hope that he would change his mind, she looked beyond me as she spoke. "I thought he would see how we were really meant to be together." She looked sadly in my eyes and said, “I feel like a fool… but I needed to know for sure. I needed to know that there was never going to be a chance.” After twelve years, she had finally gotten the closure she was looking for but it came as no relief. “After he left, I was crushed. Now I know for sure there is no chance…” She poured me a cup of coffee and wiped the table with a dish towel. “I need a clean break, and I thought that telling how much I hate him would do it. But now that it is done I don’t feel any better.” She stopped moving for a moment. It seemed like an unnaturally long period of time.

“I.. regret it, and I am not sure what to do next.” She lit another cigarette, and sipped on her coffee. “I know that the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. The fact I hate him so much only shows how much I still really love him.”