Outside

Elena’s sense of pride was linked to her stature. Her walk drained many of their securities and left them feeling uneasy. Her smile would curl slightly upward and her stare was aimed at the infinite distance outside of herself. She knew her tall straight body was bold and graceful as passed through gaze of others.

But all of this was acquired. Carefully chosen movements working tightly like a clock would appear to fall away from her blossoming beauty. Yet I questioned her innocence by her calculated presence. A smile so perfected and a sexual taunt so developed that it was hard to believe she created it for a world that she would never join.

Many that saw her envied her youth and her apparent carefree beauty. Others tried to trap her and hold her with their sweaty palms, hoping to keep pieces her for themselves.

She was sitting alone in a café when I saw her. I caught the corner of her eye and for a very brief moment she smiled lightly. Her lips so tender that each movement, each exhalation made them quiver. Still, she was aware and she was in control. Although she hardly moved, she monitored the distance between me and her carefully. I found myself transfixed and feeling foolish in my obviousness.

I sat across from her and watched as she read. Each word in the text dropping from her lips. I could only stare with intent as she continued to control this situation. My fear of losing her interest was overwhelming. She would move slightly and look up slowly with a small curious smile. A raised eyebrow, or a furtive glance gave rise to flames. This restrained striptease was too slow. I needed more, and in a grave move I stood up and walked around her. I wanted to open her up, to pry my way in. Somehow I had to break her balance, her beauty to find resolution. Her beauty pained me and not having her pained me more.

I had gotten too close to her and she shut down. I felt cold as I stopped existing in her world. The more deliberate I attempted to get her attention the less it affected her. She had cleansed herself of my presence and was completely free of any interest in me. She withdrew further into her private clocklike world. Leaving the external world and escaping back to scraping around her insides on a path I could not follow.