Heavy Steps

William walked into his apartment with heavy steps. The sparse clean surfaces reflected the home of a determined man. He lived alone, and had learned to count on the quiet respite of his late night hours. In each room, the placement of each element was calculated with artistic precision. Clutter was confined to pre-designated locations which did not detract from the deliberate lines that encompassed each room.

Friendships had the easy distance of never revealing too much. His unconscious strategy was to find people who were so self-centered he didn’t have to reveal himself. It worked well, and over the years he let others create a persona for him that was completely false but comfortable. He found his attempts of intimate relationships were unsuccessful. This rejection led him to think of women as a means to an end. He continually decreased his effort he put into seeking a romantic relationships until he gave into purchasing the company of a willing party.

But tonight none of that mattered. He was tired and wanted to forget all of it. He would forget that he once dreamed of being in love. He would shut out the feelings and resolve to enjoy his favorite TV show. This was a simple pleasure with constrained consequences that couldn’t affect his life. His mental state would slow down from the frenetic daily schedule and he would finally let go of the reigns.